It hasn’t been a year since the last batch, but this showed up in my e-mail today (thanks Jim) and it’s good stuff:
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are:
- Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
- Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.