I knew that the SDK would provide developers the room they needed to really spread their wings and succeed. My faith has been rewarded.

For best results, use with this.

(thanks Sean)

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The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.’

I don’t know about you, but this was a much appreciated chuckle for me today - thanks Jim.

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Me: sew magnets in your pants?

Justin: You know, I thought about that

Me: hah!

Justin: I wonder how close it has to be to the sensor. you know you’re a geek when you consider sewing magnets in your pants to sleep your blackberry

Me: :nod: can I blog that?

Justin: most definitely

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cool

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A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair — given that you are blind — that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

(thanks Jim!)

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Funny Newspaper Classified Ads

• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
  8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
• FREE PUPPIES:
  1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
• FREE PUPPIES…
  Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
  Father, Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
• FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
  Looks like a rat … been out a while.
  Better be a reward.
• NORDIC TRACK
  $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
• GEORGIA PEACHES
  California grown - 89 cents lb.
• JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
  Must sell washer and dryer $300.
• WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
  WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
  Call Stephanie.
• FOR SALE BY OWNER:
  Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes Excellent condition $1,000 or best offer No longer needed, got married last month.

  Wife knows everything.

(thanks Jim)

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If you didn’t watch The Show, you’re in for a real treat. You’ve got a year’s worth of great content ahead of you, do yourself a favor and start from the beginning. It’s a real joy to watch The Show evolve and grow over the year.

My favorite shows include Scrabble, Signs in the Barcelona Airport, Thanksgiving, Boxer or Briefs and Wii. No links to the individual shows though, I won’t ruin the joy of discovery for you.

Thanks for a year’s worth of great content Ze, I look forward to seeing what you do next.

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1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” “But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
3. A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”
4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
5. Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so badly crafted that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression, “He who has a Tates is lost!”
6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”
7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, “The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.”
8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”
9. There were once three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
10. A skeptical anthropologist was was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?”

Thanks Jim.

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Albert Pujols scored a perfect 100 on his citizenship test, are you impressed?

Tony Kornheiser:

I am. Brad Lidge served that up to him.

I can’t wait for baseball season.

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Any tips for me?

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Laura Bush bought George a parrot for his birthday.

She told Dick Cheney, “The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!”

“Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” Cheney said. “But you realize that he just says the words. He doesn’t understand what they mean”.

“That’s okay,” Laura replied. “Neither does the parrot”.

(Thanks Jim)

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alexking.org made the A-List. Um, yay! - I guess.

What’s more interesting to me than what list I’m on is the fact that lots of folks are trying to find ways to measure popularity and such. You never know when someone will come up with a better mousetrap for this sort of stuff.

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Your Linguistic Profile:

• 65% General American English
• 15% Dixie
• 10% Upper Midwestern
• 5% Midwestern
• 0% Yankee

I’m pretty boring standard I guess.

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

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Thanks Gareth.

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