Here’s a classic groaner for ya… Laura Bush bought George a parrot for his birthday. She told Dick Cheney, “The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!” “Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” Cheney said. “But you realize that he just says the words. He doesn’t understand what they mean”.…

Steve made me do it. alexking.org made the A-List. Um, yay! – I guess. What’s more interesting to me than what list I’m on is the fact that lots of folks are trying to find ways to measure popularity and such. You never know when someone will come up with a better mousetrap for this…

Bill made me do it. Your Linguistic Profile: 65% General American English 15% Dixie 10% Upper Midwestern 5% Midwestern 0% Yankee I’m pretty boring standard I guess. What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I’m not normally one for the blog chain letter, but I do like the sentiment and the video is fun. Thanks Gareth.

Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. My idea of…

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn: The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. The soldier decided…

I don’t think these are quite as good as the previous batches: Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds Avoidable: What a bullfighter tried to do. Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize: What a crook sees with. Control: A short, ugly inmate. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse:…

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners….. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides…

Has anyone else started saying1 things are like free pie and chips ? Just curious… An example: That new MacBook is like free pie and chips. [back]

Rule The World has a bit more clever spin than most of the million dollar home page inspired sites. I staked my claim to Denver – at least I think I did using Google Maps, Las Vegas and Salt Lake City as reference points.

This is clever. Thanks Mark.

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Bushcronium. Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an Atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called…

Received via e-mail: You have just received the Amish Virus. Since we do not have electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please delete all of your files. Thank thee. The viruses affecting Macs are growing quite rapidly – good thing I have backups!

Scott made me do it. You are Iron Man – Inventor. Businessman. Genius. Iron Man 75% The Flash 75%Superman 70%Green Lantern 70%Spider-Man 65%Robin 55%Hulk 55%Catwoman 50%Batman 50%Wonder Woman 43%Supergirl 38% Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender. Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,…

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings… but this one is real, and it’s important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list: If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with…

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this…

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip….but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus…

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and…

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Pop, what are you talking about,” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other…