The Gospel According to St. Titleist

  1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.  Grantland Rice
  2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.  John Updike
  3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.  Robert Lynd
  4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.  Horace G. Hutchinson
  5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.  Gardner Dickinson
  6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.  Sam Snead
  7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. William Wordsworth
  8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. Dean Martin
  9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.  Tommy Bolt
  10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.  Bishop Sheen
  11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.  Arnold Palmer
  12. My handicap? Woods and irons.  Chris Codiroli
  13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.  Pete Dye
  14. I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!  Buddy Hackett
  15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. Billy Graham
  16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.  Jack Lemmon
  17. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.  Mark Twain
  18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. Harry Vardon
  19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.  Jimmy DeMaret
  20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. Ben Hogan
  21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. All Us Hackers
  22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.  George Deukmejian
  23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.  Lee Trevino