Golf Jokes Archives

  1. Classic David Feherty Quotes

    I haven’t fact-checked these – if they’re not all true, they should be. “Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.” “That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.” “I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be…

  2. Hybrid Golfers

    A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid. (thanks Andy)

  3. Ode to Golf

    In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, Rather Small. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. By Its Size I Could Not Guess, The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell. My Life Has Not Been…

  4. New Golf Book

    Received this gem via email… Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt. Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee. Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker. Chapter 4 – How to Get…

  5. The Gospel According to St. Titleist

    Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.  Grantland Rice Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.  John Updike It is almost…

  6. No Surprises

    A bachelor tried to take a vacation every Winter. He was a golf nut and spent two weeks in Naples. Last winter he met a woman out there and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious…

  7. Men’s Tees

    It was a sunny morning, a little before 8.00 am, on the first hole of a busy course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker. “Would the gentleman on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee please!!” I…

  8. Take a Practice Swing

    A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one particular hole at Pebble Beach, California, exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out into the Pacific. It was something…

  9. BMW thinks of everything

    On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is. “Top of the mornin to yer, sir” says…